Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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