I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
