So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
