Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
