you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
