thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
