That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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