What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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