and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
