In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
