My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
