I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i believe in u and ur pee
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
