So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
