I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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