you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
