why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
