some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you will always have a special place in my vag
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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