can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
