In the future we'll all be gay
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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