This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
