Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
