how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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