There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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