the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I came so hard my ears popped.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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