Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
