I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
