hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
