Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
