Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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