Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
