If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
