it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
