I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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