things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I smell like Dick and happiness
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
