conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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