thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
