he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize