So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
