This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
