You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
