I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
