dude i'm inner monologue high
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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