this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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