let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
