I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
