erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
