My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
