I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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