Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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