I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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