She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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