He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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