found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
