I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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