i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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