told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
