I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
