there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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