There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
