i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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