PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize