tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
