I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
