youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Found the puke drawer
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
