You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
