I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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