I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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