I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize