That's intense
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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