you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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