He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
