I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
