We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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