I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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