I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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