Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
