I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
