i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
